Holiday Greeetings and a promise.

Well it's the 'Holiday' time of year. No matter what your personal creed or lack there of, it is hard to not share in some of the merry making that is this frenzied time of year. As clearly demonstrated by my lack of writing these last few months it's not just the holiday time, but everyday it is easy to neglect things in the chaos that is life.

So without further ado... 
Happy Holidays!...
Happy Hanukkah!...
Merry Christmas!...
Happy Solstice!...
Happy New Year!...
and good wishes no matter a celebration or not.

The promise is that I will try to get back in the mode of writing some 'Optional Thoughts'. Some may be random and some may be more thoughtful, but either way I will try to write.

Sharing excitement...a path to success!

I was reflecting on my fortunate life and looking at the successes and failures I've had. The best things in my life have occurred as a result of being excited about something.  I look back on my life and find that this is true even for the things that seemed difficult. Learning to play a sport or an instrument (never was that good, guess I needed to be more excited)...mastering a difficult subject in school, bringing a new project to completion in my job, meeting new people and really getting to know them, teaching a skill to a beginner, mentoring a younger professional, even overcoming bad habits.

Excitement or passion or enthusiasm...whatever it takes to get you focused; find it and use it. If you aren't happy with something in your life change it by finding a task, a project, a hobby...something that gets you excited. It doesn't have to be a grand undertaking. Even simple things like going to a movie (the kind YOU like, not the ones everyone else says you should like), meeting someone new, take a spur of the moment trip...it doesn't really matter, just do it!

It doesn't mean that you can or should give up on those things that are difficult and/or not very exciting, some of those things still need to be done. A change in attitude from finding some excitement is contagious, it can make those mundane things seem more interesting or at least more acceptable. It give you options that maybe you didn't realize you had.

Put those options together with the excitement and success will come. It doesn't have to be a success to anyone, but you...but a success will come and that's contagious too. Sharing your excitement with others is as valuable as finding it in the first place.

So do something exciting and then share it with others...That is what makes a successful life!

Achieving Balance...a life's work.

I know I've been writing some dark and negative things lately, so here's something a bit more up beat and truly a reflection of what I believe is important in life.

A friend recently asked me about how to achieve balance in a life full of chaos and responsibility. If I had a definitive answer to that I would consider myself very fortunate. I think that finding and recognizing balance in out lives is part of the journey; and as we get glimpses of what is possible we have a choice to seize the moment.

I have long thought about the balance of life, for me it is perfectly represented by the yin-yang. Whether a balance of good and evil, light and dark, physical and spiritual the entwined nature of our lives is illustrated so simply by the twisting shape and contrast of colors. There is no right side up, the circular nature of it allows us to think about the balance both as a static moment and the circle that is life...to quote a favorite of mine, Harry Chapin...

All my life's a circle;
Sunrise and sundown;
Moon rolls thru the nighttime;
Till the daybreak comes around.

All my life's a circle;
But I can't tell you why;
Season's spinning round again;
The years keep rollin' by.

I often find these word rolling through my mind...pun intended. So much of life is a continuum and if we let life get out of balance we find ourselves struggling. We have goals and responsibilities, but without balance so much energy is wasted and happiness missed.

Always remember to take time for yourself and remember the old adage, "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." So simple, but so true. Without seeking the pleasures in life we can become dull...dull of spirit, dull of wit, and less than who we should be for ourselves and our loved ones.

Seize the opportunities...make a change, add something fun to your life, take a risk, live the life you have instead of working too hard for the life you hope to have...it will come. Do something for yourself, something you love or something you've never done before. Don't convince yourself it is selfish or not worth your time...you are worth your time and no one can give you balance, you have to take it!

Hope Sucks!

Not a sentiment that seems consistent with the biblical reference, but hope can be a dangerous thing. We are taught that hope is a great gift and that it can see you through hard times and guide your journey, physical or spiritual. The truth is hope does more damage than it does good. This past May Laurie Munroe Abkemeier spoke at my daughter's college graduation. Her speech was a nice balance of the cliche, the profound and the funny. For me, the most memorable piece of advice she gave to this extraordinary assembly of young people in a most idyllic setting was simple..."Don't follow your dreams." Such a simple thought and the brief explanation that followed were profound. Dreams like hope can distract us from present...from the here and now, and in clinging to a dream or hoping for the future to be different one can easily miss the opportunity of a life time and taken to the extreme can rob you of your life. I heard a recent radio interview (I wish I could find the reference) where a man spoke of spending a large part of his life hoping his father, a fisherman lost a sea, was still alive and would one day return. That hope crippled his life in ways he was, many years later, just coming to appreciate.

Hope and dreams can inspire and encourage or they can isolate and torture. While I'm busy quoting people, I think John Lennon gets partial credit for the line, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." If you are so focused on those other plans or clinging to a false reality you can miss out on life.

Hope sucks the most when we are at our weakest; when tragedy strikes or misfortune visits we often hope that it isn't true. Wanting something to be different than it IS can lead to dangerous territory. Hope can lead us to distraction and denial; Hope can halt our progress; Hope can forestall our grieving; Hope can suspend our participation in life.

Hope can prolong and intensify our pain; Hope cannot keep us from suffering, but it can add to our misery. We get to choose how we live and hope can be as paralyzing to our emotional and spiritual life as a physical injury can be to our bodily life. We get to choose how we live with the realities of life, and wanting bad things from the past to be different may be a natural desire, but it is not a reasonable and healthy way to live. Hoping for things to be different can suck the life out of you, can rob you of living your life, and can bring more harm. We often call this hopeless, but I don't believe that is a proper characterization. Those who find themselves feeling hopeless or losing hope are in fact those most clinging to the hurtfulness of hope. Hope keeps us from accepting what IS, hope keeps us from living in the present, hope causes pain and suffering.

In short Hope Sucks!

Thoughts for today...I will Always Remember!

On this momentous day I find myself humbled at the sacrifice so many have made and how little it has changed our collective views and in reality our daily lives. For many who where touched directly by the tragedy of that day and the prosecution of two wars it was a turning point; an irreversible source of loss, a deep and abiding respect for those who sacrificed, an empty space in their lives forever. Those are the emotions of this day that so many of us try to share, but many more of us were fortunate. We didn't know anyone personally who was lost, we visited the sights of the tragedy in an attempt to make sense of it...disbelief turned to fear and anger. Many volunteered and/or donated to the 'cause'. There is a generation of soldiers and workers who made career decisions to participate somehow in the response. Many of those have lost their lives or are returned to us in a less than whole way. The wounds of the last decade are deeper than most really understand. Most who were old enough to remember, can likely tell you exactly where they were when they first heard the news. But how many of us have chosen to truly serve? Songs have been written, some reflective some angry. Much has been done in the name of  9/11; but what has really changed? How has our society and our world responded to the challenge of terrorism and war?

In the days following the tragedy of 9/11 we as a country felt in a way we probably hadn't for 50 years or more, but that surge of emotion that has since been channeled in many directions. Our unity is faltering and our purpose is clouded. Many people espouse ideas and act in ways that are based on fear at best and hate at worst. What do we as a country want to be? Are we living and acting in ways that honor the sacrifice of so many? Do we appreciate the Greatest Generation of the 1940's and recognize the Greatest Generation Next who serve today? 

As the very fortunate son and brother of veterans and as someone who has had a career that has at times allowed me to feel a part of something larger than myself; I am both humbled and distressed by the various things done in the name of 9/11. The oath taken by those who serve both as military and civilian often includes the phrase "support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic" or "preserve, protect and defend." Conspicuous in it's absence is mention directly of protecting life and property. While this is clearly a duty of those engaged in such roles I believe the oath should remind us of what so many have sacrificed and died for. It is not a particular piece of dirt or symbol such as a flag. In fact in living memory many more soldiers in combat have died on foreign soil than at home...for this we should all feel grateful and should ask ourselves what is it about 'us' that deserves that measure of sacrifice? What are we fighting for and what are 'we' willing to sacrifice. Many are called, serve and sacrifice as soldiers, firefighters, police...and their families.

On days like today I am challenged to remember that when my father went to war at 18 he was crossing an ocean and fighting on foreign soil, not for a king or treasure, but for an idea captured in words. An idea that, while unique in our language and the construction of our republic, is treasured by many beyond our shores. I believe that we should be mindful of that unique place that we as a country and our constitution as it's foundation have in the world; preserving, protecting and defending our constitution first. We should not fight out of fear or hate, but from resolve that we are protecting something greater than individual lives, property and treasure. My father was a quiet and very stoic man, only late in his life did I begin to appreciate the depth of his service and sacrifice made not for himself or his family, but for a country and constitution he believed in. A country of freedoms and liberties for everyone, not just fir those who are most like us; because only a generation or two ago I was not like most of us...from whatever century, we are in our past immigrants, foreigners in a country and society that we now claim as our own.


I will Never Forget...and more importantly I will Always Remember!

Seasons - Thoughts for a rainy day.

A turn of weather...A turn of events...A mark of time...A time of change.

Seasons are marked in many ways. The dates on the calendar that follow the equinox, the holidays that become the unofficial start and end of summer, various religious celebrations/observances, etc. mark the turn of annual seasons many linked to agrarian activities of life or recurring astronomical events. Others talk of the seasons of life...these are often defined by milestones, either significant birthdays or life changing events.

What do seasons really mean, what do they feel like? Perhaps thinking about how something feels is a bit more abstract than easily identifiable dates or events, but I believe it may be more relevant. For example the Shakespeare himself made the reference as "Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this sun of York." as a reference to the passing of a time of unhappiness.  In current events the media has taken to referring to the various uprisings in the Middle East as the “Arab Spring” (Tunisia and Egypt) and the “Arab Winter” (Bahrain, Libya, Yemen, Syria).

Whatever the differences among these references, the commonality is change...and more often than not emotionally charged change. The references to the Arab Spring and Winter reflect a sentiment of the writer toward improvement or decline; while not everyone shares the same perspective on these events the reference is clear that feelings are tied to seasons. Winter is semantically sad and Spring is hopeful, Summer joyous, and perhaps Fall (not often used) would be festive or indulgent.

I have often thought of these various references in my own life, both professionally and personally. Seasonally I am a bit of an optimist, I don't suffer greatly from a seasonal effective disorder or dread one annual season...begging for it to end. I try to look for engaging activities in each. I think the cultivation of an active mind and an active life is the best way to weather the change that comes with whatever type of season you encounter.  Don't get me wrong, I have had my sadness and joy...my success and failure.

Seasons bring expectations...not always good, but we expect things to be a certain way in the next season. Either because it was that way in the last 'summer' or 'winter'; or because we have some ideal or dread we perceive will be come to pass in that new season. Expectations are necessary, but thorny concepts; as children perhaps we were told not to have such 'high hopes' or some read or were told about Pollyanna. The counterpoint in literary reference might be Pandora. These archetypal references to good and evil, hope and fear; speak to a caution upon expectations. Expectations are either learned or taught; and it is this lesson that we must continue to learn. To hope something will be better or to fear that it will be worse; pollyanna or pandora, it is perhaps expectations more than anything that lead to the way one feels about that next season. This brings me to another lyrical reference, this time by the late great Harry Chapin: "...Season's spinning round again; The years keep rollin' by. It seems like I've been here before; I can't remember when..."

Here I sit today as the weather has turned cooler and rain keeps pouring down, thinking about seasons. The weather brings to mind the changes that I've come to expect as summer comes to a close; events in my own life and in the world around me offer opportunity for expectations of what is to come...some fearful, some exciting; time brings inevitable change on any scale marking milestones and memories; change is coming whether we desire it or not. As a friend once said to me something along the lines of "worrying is a waste of time; I think I'll just wonder how things are going to turn out."  I choose to replace worry with wonder.

The seasons will change and I feel grateful that I am here to see that change.

The challenges of an interdependent life...living in the Gray

I've often wondered what it would be like to be totally self sufficient. The recent earthquake and hurricane have reinforced how interdependent I am. To make matters worse I make my living depending on other people to do things in a certain way and on a certain schedule. I've had jobs in the past where that was easy, if they worked for me I could tell them what to do and promise to fire them if they didn't meet my expectations...it worked pretty well, I've only ever had to fire two people. So how did I find myself in my current challenge; not only don't I have anyone that reports directly to me (that's pretty nice actually), but many of my endeavors are highly collaborative meaning that I need to have an entire group of people work toward a common goal while they each have their own agendas and personal priorities.

That aside my style of living is quite interdependent and even with the minor inconveniences of the hurricane and it's aftermath things for me were pretty easy. The house didn't fall down or wash away, I had hot water (gas) and found a friend with a generator and freezer space. Beyond that I was able to live by candlelight at home and by coffee when working. Coffee shop that is. I spent the better part of two days camped out at a couple different coffee shops that had power, internet, and of course coffee...oh and a couple dozen fellow refugees. All-in-all it was pretty pleasant, a bit noisier than I'm used to, but very tolerable. While waiting for the power I think I probably talked to more of my neighbors than I had in the last few months. The final luck was that the weather post-hurricane was beautiful so not having AC was fine...well except for the drone of my neighbors' generators.

The idea of being totally self sufficient only really appeals to me when sailing in the ocean. Out there self sufficient is the key and there is something totally humbling and calming about that; but on dry land I'm a people person and living in and around people that effect my daily life is part of what makes it living. I could certainly be a lot more interdependent than I am, but relying on people and services and social interaction is actually a good thing for me...and I might suggest the same is true for others.

So much of our public dialog has been about us and them, but when reality enters the equation and I begin to realize how little we actually control in terms of the happening of our daily lives.  It really is about living in a society where on a personal level I like to believe that most people are willing to help one another when they are in need. If only that willingness would extend to our public dialog as well I think we would be able to accomplish a lot more than scoring political points and maybe always have to speak in terms of them, they, the other side, etc.  With that willingness could come compromise and progress on so many important issues.

Seldom are the issues that divide as black and white as they seem from a distance...Personal experience is one of the greatest teachers and ideologies aside; many divisive issues look a lot grayer at close range.

I think life is lived in the gray.

Trying again - Coping in a Complex World

I've been neglecting this blog for too long. I'm not sure what I will write about, but I guess that's the point of the name. A lot has changed for me since I last posted, but this isn't just about me.

The world is an ever changing place and the uncertainty of economic turmoil, U.S. political brinksmanship, and revolutionary change around the world; but our personal journeys continue. The big issues of world importance battle for our attention with the personal triumphs and tribulations.

Coping with life for many of us is a constant compromise...in today's world life can become a crisis in the blink of an eye; the loss of a job, an unexpected family emergency, natural disaster...or for some, political upheaval in their own countries. Thinking about the range of the possible can make individual issues that at first appear insurmountable or irreconcilable quickly seem much more manageable.

The counterpoint to crisis and compromise is learning to celebrate the good without letting a crisis or fear of a crisis ruin the joy of the good. Is it wrong to be happy about a personal triumph or proud moment when others are suffering or a crisis is unfolding? No. Each of us deserve to live in the present...we cannot know what comes next and worrying about the unknowable is a waste of energy and time...time we may or may not have. Either way it is time that can be better spent and I'll try to live my life rather than worrying losing it.

This reminds me of the lyrics to a Johnny Lang song,
"Why am I fighting to live, If I'm just living to fight
Why am I trying to see, When there aint nothing in sight
Why am I trying to give, When no one gives me a try
Why am I dying to live, If I'm just living to die"

"So I'll keep fighting to live, Till theres no reason to fight
And I'll keep trying to see, Until the end is in sight
You know I'm trying to give, So come on Give me a try
You know I'm dying to live, Until I'm ready to die"